CIA (A.K.A. THE EVIL ONE, A.K.A. THE DARKIE QUEEN, A.K.A. THE HARLOT WITH A HAT, A.K.A. DAKRIE, A.K.A. LEAVE LINK ALONE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1)
Introduction Kids, sit down. It's story time. When Link was no older than 10 years old, he was frolicking about Hyrule field. Link wasn't doing anything wrong, he was just having fun swinging his Kokiri sword in the grass. Until IT HAPPENED... Now, we might wanna warn you, this next part of the article is pretty scary. Go ahead and read at your own risk. Two disgusting, powerful hands grabbed Link by his sides and carried him away. Before Link knew it he had been tied to a chair and was being stared down... by HER... People are scared of a lot of things see, and for good reasons too because those things scare that particular person. But you see, I'm pretty sure that every human being on the Goddesses' green HECKING earth can agree on one thing... NOBODY (AND I MEAN NOBODY) wants to be HECKING stareraped by CIA!!!!! It is an unpleasant traumatizing experience that will scar you until the day you FLIPPIN' die!! The Agency of Link is dedicated to tracking down and killing this HEATHEN once and for all. If you spot CIA '''please let us know. History of '''CIA A long time ago CIA '''the guardian of time. She was real, she was true, but she was kinda gay tbh... Deep inside however she had some really bad lady-boner problems (Like, control your hormones smh dirty harlot). '''CIA '''was obsessed with Link (our hero) for some unknown reason and she wanted to give birth to Link's TRUE AND HONEST DAUGHTER Linkle (Hopefully after marriage :))). Eventually somehow the king of evil GANONDORF caught wind of this and hatched a plan. One day when '''CIA '''was using her shitty windows xp computer (lmao), she revived an email from GANONDORF that contained a mysterious looking ad. The ad contained a picture of Link and says "HOT SINGLE HYLIAN GOOD BOYS IN YOUR AREA! CLICK HERE!". Now '''CIA '''wasn't thinking (let's be honest, women never think so this wasn't a surprise). She immediately clicked on the ad. Instantly, '''CIA '''was split into two. The main half of her being the DARKIE HALF (EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!). The other half being an annoying woman names "Lana" (spell it backwards). Since this incident, Cia has openly been attacking the /dol/ in a pathetic effort to get to Link. These attacks have surprisingly been effective, one of which ended the DOL IV, and they're still continuing. As of November 2016, she has not been brought to justice. The Multi-Cia Theory List of things ''she ''has done so far. * '''KIDNAP AND STARERAPE LINK LINK * Started a race war * Got punched in the face by Minda (LOL) * THE CARNIVAL INCIDENT * DESTROY /dol/ IV #FreeLink * Copied Kingdom Hearts * Created Nintendo Labo * Cancelled Mega Man Legends 3 * Spawned a lot of shitty fanart